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Islamic Parenting: Raising Confident Muslims for Ummah

Our children are a gift and amanah (أمانة) from Allah (swt). The way we raise them have a huge impact on our lives in this world and hereafter. The best gift we can give to our children is their proper upbringing. Bearing a child is hard, but parenting can be a confusing and daunting task for parents especially in today’s world.

For a Muslim, the need to assume the responsibility of being parents is even more important. As a believer, our role as a parent affects everything. Our dunia, our akhirah and our Ummah. In fact, the story of Musa (A.S) has taught us that the very initial step to bring change in a nation was teaching a mother to raise her child the right way.

Parenting is no doubt the hardest job ever. So, what must be the effective Islamic parenting approach which parents must follow for raising children that are successful in both dunia and akhirah?

What our beloved Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) has said?

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stated:

“Indeed, each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned regarding his flock. The commander who is in authority over people is responsible and he will be questioned regarding his responsibility. The man is responsible over the inhabitants of his house, and he is the one who will be questioned about them. The wife is responsible in her husband’s house, and she will be questioned about it. The servant is responsible regarding his master’s property, and he will be questioned about it. Indeed, each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned about his flock” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim].

Islamic Tarbiyah (Parenting)

For Muslims there is a clear distinction among the standard education process versus the Islamic parenting style. Islamic way of doing Tarbiyah encompass a far wider scope. Parenting is a responsibility tied to every Muslim whom Allah (swt) has granted some form of guardianship. Becoming a parent is a huge responsibility and a great reward. It has source of reward if we fulfil it correctly. Even though there are tons of material and books on parenting that are available. But the Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is a better approach for practical guidance and solutions.

As our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said,

“When the human being dies, his deeds end except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him.” [Sahih Muslim]”.

Three Stages of Parenting in Islamic Way

First Stage: Initial Years (Children aged 0 to 7 years)

In the first few years of child, the main focus of parents is to build a strong connection with them. As these first seven years are the formation years of child. In these years, children focus on learning from their surroundings by observing their elders. Children imitate their parents more than anyone. As these are the foundation years, your relationship with your child grows based on it.

You need to invest heavily on behavior with your child. If you find any undesirable behavior, keep a check on their surroundings. Neglecting them in their initial years will have an impact on your relationship with them.

As Abdullah ibn Amr reported:

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “It is enough sin for a man to withhold from those dependent upon him.” [Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim].

Thus, if the initial years of the child are rock solid, the coming years are much easier but if the foundation is laid poorly, it can negatively affect the child’s upbringings.

Second Stage: Next Seven Years (7-14 years old)

After reaching the age of seven, they have developed the ability for logical reasoning and Islamic ethics. During these years, children are like sponges, they are ready to soak up everything they see their parents are doing. In this stage of parenting, it is essential to teach your child religious knowledge, teach them duas and make them understand easy Qur’anic verses, the difference between halal vs. haram and all the things they must be aware of in that age.

Playing with them and teaching them sports is also encouraged.

Our Prophet (PBUH) said:

“Teach your children swimming, archery and horseback riding” [Musnad Ahmad, vol. 1 pg. 46]. This is the stage where you need to teach them sports and engage them in other activities.

Children will not receive full religious teaching in school. As children are young in this age, they are still in the process of learning what is right and wrong. You need to be a part of your child’s everyday life by spending on them fairly, playing with them and teaching them ways to act within their boundaries so that they are not left wondering and confused.

Another hadith in this context states that ‘Aa’ishah, the wife of the Prophet (PBUH), said:

A woman came to me with two daughters and asked me for food, and I could not find anything except one date which I gave to her. She shared it between her two daughters, then she got up and went out. The Prophet (s) came in and I told him what had happened. He said: “Whoever is in charge of any of these girls and treats them well, they will be a shield for him against the Fire” [Al-Bukhaari, 5649; Sahih Muslim, 2629].

Treating them well with love and care, setting rules and boundaries in family (including yourself) is important. Teach them to obey their parents is important. Children loves logical reasoning and asking a lot of questions. You must explain them everything with patience and love.

Third Stage: The Final Seven years

When the children hit puberty, they experience a lot of changes in their body and their behavior. At this stage, they want their independence and look up to their peers and their families. If they are treated unfairly, it can arouse the feelings of hatred and jealousy among them for their other siblings.

In one narration, The Prophet (PBUH) said to the father of al-Nu’maan,

“Would you like them to honor you equally?” He said, “Yes.” In other words, if you want them all to honor you equally, then be equally fair to all of them.

These are the most critical years in your children’s life. During these years, befriend them, advise them, try to understand their perspectives and let them confide into you when in need. Work on building their character according to Islamic values, as your children are your greatest reward.

As Allah (swt) said in the Quran,

“Your riches and your children may be but a trial, but in the Presence of Allah, they will be the highest reward” [64:15].

Hence, all of the research through Quran and Hadith suggest that children must be treated with fair and kind manner. Above all, parents should keep in mind that children should be treated the way parents want children treat them. Abuse, humiliation, and other toxic behaviors should be avoided by parents in order to make them strong pillars.